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Apr. 28th, 2012 10:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
goodnightmoonI haven't posted in so long that I don't even know where to start. I want to post happy, shiny updates and so I wait and wait, and in the mean time just never post.
Where we are now: We just moved. The house we were renting was foreclosed on. We're in another house, a nice place that costs more than I can afford, but it's a good safe neighborhood and convenient to the hospital where we spend too much time and also to a good selection of stores.
I have acquired a third child. He's the son of a friend, and for a variety of reasons living with me was the best thing for him. His mother lives in North Carolina and his father in Florida. His name is Max, and he's 13. He has Aspergers and he and Cassie are very best friends. They love each other like crazy and say they want to get married when they're old enough. They spend a great deal of time in her room playing video games. He's really quite adorable.
Walt is attending a private school that I also cannot afford, but seeing the difference it's made in his academics, his self confidence, and his attitude towards life, I really have no choice but to scrape together the money each month. At 13 years old, he is poised to finally leave elementary school and be in the sixth grade in the fall. He is still impatient, prone to feeling like the victim in every instance, lies easily and pouts a lot, but seems to finally have control over his tendency to physical violence.
Cassie turned 15 in March. She's obsessed with Monster High dolls, Anime, and her art. She receives periodic blood transfusions for anemia and is now dealing with her legs and hands swelling from a combination of low Albumin and leaky capillaries due to chronic inflammation. She is colonized with two antibiotic resistant strains of bacteria. She takes Methadone and Dilaudid for pain, and Versed for baths and bandage changes. She is reasonably stable at the moment, but we live with the ax over our heads that at any time, either of those bacteria could overcome her and she'd be septic in no time. Or that the low Albumin will lead to Kidney Failure, or Cardiomyopathy, or god knows what else. She gets scared. I get scared. We take things one day at a time.
I am a bit of a mess right now. Anxiety at Defcon 12. It happens sometimes. My van is fucked and I don't have the means to fix it and I just want to give up. I don't know why every tiny thing in life seems to be such an uphill climb for us. It feels like I never catch a break. Due to not having medical insurance, I haven't seen a dentist in about ten years, and I now have enough broken/rotten teeth that I need dentures. But the money fairy isn't going to bring money for that either. So I lay awake at night and panic, and hope that things will get better someday.
So, that's it. It's not pretty. It's actually kinda awful. But that's life right now.
Where we are now: We just moved. The house we were renting was foreclosed on. We're in another house, a nice place that costs more than I can afford, but it's a good safe neighborhood and convenient to the hospital where we spend too much time and also to a good selection of stores.
I have acquired a third child. He's the son of a friend, and for a variety of reasons living with me was the best thing for him. His mother lives in North Carolina and his father in Florida. His name is Max, and he's 13. He has Aspergers and he and Cassie are very best friends. They love each other like crazy and say they want to get married when they're old enough. They spend a great deal of time in her room playing video games. He's really quite adorable.
Walt is attending a private school that I also cannot afford, but seeing the difference it's made in his academics, his self confidence, and his attitude towards life, I really have no choice but to scrape together the money each month. At 13 years old, he is poised to finally leave elementary school and be in the sixth grade in the fall. He is still impatient, prone to feeling like the victim in every instance, lies easily and pouts a lot, but seems to finally have control over his tendency to physical violence.
Cassie turned 15 in March. She's obsessed with Monster High dolls, Anime, and her art. She receives periodic blood transfusions for anemia and is now dealing with her legs and hands swelling from a combination of low Albumin and leaky capillaries due to chronic inflammation. She is colonized with two antibiotic resistant strains of bacteria. She takes Methadone and Dilaudid for pain, and Versed for baths and bandage changes. She is reasonably stable at the moment, but we live with the ax over our heads that at any time, either of those bacteria could overcome her and she'd be septic in no time. Or that the low Albumin will lead to Kidney Failure, or Cardiomyopathy, or god knows what else. She gets scared. I get scared. We take things one day at a time.
I am a bit of a mess right now. Anxiety at Defcon 12. It happens sometimes. My van is fucked and I don't have the means to fix it and I just want to give up. I don't know why every tiny thing in life seems to be such an uphill climb for us. It feels like I never catch a break. Due to not having medical insurance, I haven't seen a dentist in about ten years, and I now have enough broken/rotten teeth that I need dentures. But the money fairy isn't going to bring money for that either. So I lay awake at night and panic, and hope that things will get better someday.
So, that's it. It's not pretty. It's actually kinda awful. But that's life right now.
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(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-29 04:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-29 04:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-29 11:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-30 04:00 am (UTC){{{hugs}}}
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Date: 2012-04-30 08:23 pm (UTC)